Boundaries as Self-Care, Not Selfishness
Why setting limits is an act of self-respect — and a gift to everyone around you.
5 min read
The Guilt Trap
For many introverts, setting boundaries comes with a side order of guilt. "Am I being selfish? Will they think I don't care? Should I just push through?" These questions are natural, but they're based on a false premise — that your needs are less important than everyone else's comfort.
Boundaries aren't walls that keep people out. They're guidelines that define where your responsibility ends and someone else's begins. Healthy boundaries actually make relationships stronger, because they're built on honesty rather than resentment.
Why Introverts Struggle with Boundaries
Introverts often process deeply and empathize intensely. You're acutely aware of how your boundaries might affect others, which makes it tempting to over-accommodate. But chronic people-pleasing leads to burnout, resentment, and eventually the very disconnection you were trying to avoid.
Reframing Boundaries
- A boundary is not a rejection — it's information about what works for you
- Saying 'not right now' is different from saying 'not ever'
- Taking care of yourself makes you more present for others, not less
- People who respect you will respect your boundaries
“When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated. This is why we sometimes attack who they are, which is far more hurtful than addressing a behavior or a choice.”
— Brene Brown
Starting Small
You don't have to overhaul your entire life overnight. Start with one small boundary — maybe a 'no phones during dinner' rule, or a commitment to leaving a party by 10pm. Notice how it feels. Most people find that the anticipation of setting a boundary is far more uncomfortable than actually doing it.
Choose one area of your life where you consistently overextend yourself. What's one small boundary you could set this week? Write it down — and notice the resistance that comes up.